CLOSET

So I cleaned out
My closet
Before the year
Could come
And knock
On the doors.

I cleaned it out
Before the new year
Found no space
Turned around
And walked
To another closet,
To fill it
With love
friendship
peace
happiness
productivity
conviction
success.

So I cleaned it
And threw out
The hate
enmity
conflict
sadness
unprodictivity
doubt
failure.

I threw out
Each cobweb
Interconnected
To the next.
I threw it all out
Made space
In my closet
Made a cup of hot chocolate
And drank.

I drank...
To wonderful tomorrows.

HOME

I have lived
my entire life
wearing and shedding
houses
like you do
clothes.

Some, too ill-fitted,
some, too small,
some, so big
you get lost in them,
and some that are
in all practicality
perfect
but just don't feel right.

I have shed these houses
picked my bare minimums
and moved...

Moved,
wherever the wind takes me
to a new cloth,
a new house.
And I shrug off
these houses
without a second thought
knowing the next one
will be different
and I will love it
for a little while
until it is time
to shed again.

But there are days,
when I just want to stop
and wear one
like I wear my skin,
and finally
call it home.

YOU

You existed
in another phase
another life
another maze
that you graced.
A maze I made out of.
And yet
there still are days
when I open
the back of my
spine
and pull out
pieces
of you.

TIME

Ten months
Three days
And Sixteen hours ago
I stood at my sink
looked at my
bloodshot eyes
and sutured
my ribcage shut
slashing
carelessly
at the loose threads
hanging outside…
too delicate
to shove
back in.
So when you asked me
to trust you
and un-suture
my chest
and you found
blank eyes
staring back at you,

it was just me
calculating
all this while.

SACCHARINE

You used to
take my name
and saccharine
would drip
from your
ruby lips
until
I
turned a diabetic
and now
every time
you utter my name
with razors made of sugar
in your mouth
I only find
shards of
malice
dribbling
on the ground.

STRANDS

A transparent jar
lies in the back
of a cob-webbed
locker.
Wispy, liquidy strands
fighting

to come out.
Trying
to slide past,
the lid shut tight.
And there are nights
of loneliness
and longing
for companionship
where I twist
the lid
just a bit
and they shriek,
those strands,
ready to create
terror
at first chance.

And people say
conquer your
thoughts.
Maybe they are unaware
of the power
each strand holds.
Of how, each
is capable
of wrapping
itself
around my delicate neck,
a million times
and take away
my extremely fragile
life.

Beauty

When you see yourself
in the mirror each morning
and curse yourself
like a routine
as if the words
just belong there
rolling themselves out
as if on cue.
When you see yourself
and you see the scars
the marks
the curves and bulges
you see imperfections
and you hate
your own body
with every breath of you
with all of your being.
And your body
rebels....
it hates you, for hating it.
and in that
vicious cycle,
you forget
that someone looks at you
and he sees
what you see
when you stare at the moon
and cannot keep your eyes off.
Magnificence
and perfection
in all the little marks.
And beauty…
Utter beauty.

FIREFLIES

We shared
Laughs and tears
Coffee and fears
Our love for black
The scar on my back
Stubbiness in my finger
The pungent smell of ginger
The rush in speed
The bowing of a seed
And now...
Now I cannot
Encounter
My favourite fireflies
Without you
Popping up between my eyes.

MINE

He is a moonlight night,
Skin sun-kissed & bright,
Coffee in bed,
A book unread,
Rainbow dyes,
Orange skies,
Floating clouds,
Gatherer of crowds,
An exciting dare,
Undone hair,
Tearful smiles,
Unopened files,
He is all of this,
And much, much more,
A bit of everything fine,
All of this, but just not mine.

Healing

Plucking at thorns, plugging the blood,
Taping and gumming and gluing,
And restraining the gushing flood.

Touching edges, filling crevices,
Fixing and pinning and mending,
And striking at the constant nemesis.

Braving scars, accepting the mess,
Cleaning and healing and sealing,
And embracing all with a caress.

Supressing the hurt, repairing the wound,
Patching and loving and covering,
And blocking the agony of the doomed

Erratic it pumps, then slows and goes,
Yet holding on, it beats,
And the deafening silence bows.

Strengthening its core, and a heave,
Slowing and steadying and believing,
Placed back upon my sleeve.

Teaching

I grew up, with one dream,

To teach,

To teach my daughter she is no less,

Than a hurricane on a calm night,

Than the rising sun, sharp and bright.

And it happened, it came true,

She learnt,

She learnt, that she was above,

Above any man she had ever seen,

Above any man, wherever she had been.

And she believed me, dream achieved,

I relaxed,

I relaxed and basked in the glory,

Of a daughter no less that a friggin trophy,

MD, CEO, she climbed, oh my Sophie.

Eyes closed, now, but I had never noticed,

I had forgotten,

Forgotten I had a son, forgotten she had a brother,

I never taught him he could be something,

Other than his sister’s shadow, a nothing.

For her, he was merely a man, to be defeated.

Just a man, who needed to see she was no less,

I got so blind in my dream, in my point,

I forgot to teach my son he could also be the Sun,

Not the earth, just revolving around a woman.

And so it happened, as another generation passed,

Another failed,

Failed in teaching, EQUALITY,

Focused, again, on just one gender, one sex,

Forgetting, both together, as one, make the next.

You and I

Sometimes I sit, and I wonder,
How much of you,
Lives in me,
How much of me,
Breathes in you.

I wonder,
If you changed,
The scent of me,
Just by touching my skin,
As long as you did.

I wonder,
If you speak,
When words come out of my mouth,
Or if my hands move,
Just the way yours do.

I wonder,
How deeply,
You are infused in me,
And if anyone can any longer,
Even tell us apart.

I wonder,
If we are lovers,
Or mirrors,
Reflecting each other,
And then....

Then I stop wondering,
And just experience,
This miracle,
that you and I, and I and you,
Have become.

Romance

A man stood in deep embrace
Arms wide open, eyes ablaze

 Breaching in, I walked ahead
Watching, hearing, all he said

He said, and sang, soft as a bard
Unbroken, together came each shard

Of her deep eyes, as he sang
Of jealousy, i felt a deep pang

But mist disappeared, raising my hair
For he remained, embracing the air

“Soulless without you” sang he
My aching heart wept, in hours of wee

His love, so pure, so distant
Filled me up with a scent

Of old-school romance,
Of passion, devotion, and forever.

Choking

I have seen men
With ties
Choking their necks
Sleeves
roughly folded
Mouths
Nothing more
Than thin lines
And brows furrowed.
It is these men
That show
The softest of eyes
Brimming
With sadness
Laced amidst
Pasted smiles
And a need
To just weep.
To weep
Until
They are no longer
Choking.

WAR

War.
Sans blood. Sans scar.
Just an enemy.

War.
Sans swords. Sans bullets.
Just a destiny.

War.
Sans attack. Sans combat.
Just with me.

Conquered each night,
Conqueror most mornings.

War, by myself.
'I' with 'me'.
Warrior or coward.
Check my pulse and see.

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry
that I read about you
clicked my tongue
and simply said, bless the poor soul

I'm sorry
that they sent you
to take care
of a monster

I'm sorry
that he called you in
and compromised
your very being

I'm sorry
that he touched your breast
and said he was actually
touching your soul

I'm sorry
that he placed his hand
upon your thigh
even as you said no

I'm sorry
that he undid you
and then smiled

I'm sorry
that he did this
for endless days
night after night in a row

I'm sorry
that they shut you down
when you found courage
to speak up

and I'm sorry
that I only torched candles for you
when they torched cities
for the beast
who wrecked you.

Bubble

Oh you selfish, evil vile,
How dare you walk the sexy walk?
How can you look straight and smile?
Then make a hue and cry, for when he gawks?

You tempt him, and enchant him,
Then don't obey his every whim?

You seduce, invite, with your naughty eyes,
Then reject him? Oh such utter lies

His innocent gaze YOU assault,
By casually walking by,
Then you blame him for the fault,
When he pounces, and you deny?

You tempt him by your mere existence,
Causing him such trouble,
You should have stayed behind the fence,
And not broken out of your bubble.

Teachers

Molded futures, shaped lives,
Seen it all, with keen eyes,
Vulnerability, and the white lies,
All knowing, seeing, being wise

Thoughtful gestures, infused within,
Teaching, keeping high our chin,
As we fight with our yang and yin,
Stand behind us, our next of kin

Taught building an eternity,
Of memories and possibility,
Understanding our taciturnity,
Backing up each uncertainty

Without a word, they understand,
Our futures with our tiny selves they planned,
Experienced our failures first-hand,
Yet never let us leave our dreamland

We stand today, each arrived,
With us, for it, they had strived,
In our minds forever reside,
And teach generations, satisfied.

PINK

Candy floss thrown across,
Flung with my bubble gum,
My mother looking, at a loss,
Soothing songs I no longer hum

Umbrella broken, teddy torn,
Diary now belonged to the bin,
Turned around, as if reborn,
Favourite top, rewashed with Rin

As each item got destroyed,
I inhaled deeper still,
None had a place to hide,
Every inch now submitted to my will

A will, however, not really mine
Spirit broken, and eyes wet,
My pink self, and my pink wine,
Went, forever, inside my closet.

Shackles of My Mind

I wake up, tied,
Never realised,
I scratch, and I claw,
Not seeing the flaw,
Attempting to be free,
Wrestling, I, with me
Bound by my thoughts
Of positivity a drought.

They see me unhitched,
Wondering why I ditched.
Not noticing the shackle,
That I struggle to tackle,
They call it a phase,
Not seeing my maze,
I try to get out,
But my issues, they all doubt,
So I battle with half a heart,
As the other half, tears me apart.