HOME

I have lived
my entire life
wearing and shedding
houses
like you do
clothes.

Some, too ill-fitted,
some, too small,
some, so big
you get lost in them,
and some that are
in all practicality
perfect
but just don't feel right.

I have shed these houses
picked my bare minimums
and moved...

Moved,
wherever the wind takes me
to a new cloth,
a new house.
And I shrug off
these houses
without a second thought
knowing the next one
will be different
and I will love it
for a little while
until it is time
to shed again.

But there are days,
when I just want to stop
and wear one
like I wear my skin,
and finally
call it home.

YOU

You existed
in another phase
another life
another maze
that you graced.
A maze I made out of.
And yet
there still are days
when I open
the back of my
spine
and pull out
pieces
of you.

TIME

Ten months
Three days
And Sixteen hours ago
I stood at my sink
looked at my
bloodshot eyes
and sutured
my ribcage shut
slashing
carelessly
at the loose threads
hanging outside…
too delicate
to shove
back in.
So when you asked me
to trust you
and un-suture
my chest
and you found
blank eyes
staring back at you,

it was just me
calculating
all this while.

SACCHARINE

You used to
take my name
and saccharine
would drip
from your
ruby lips
until
I
turned a diabetic
and now
every time
you utter my name
with razors made of sugar
in your mouth
I only find
shards of
malice
dribbling
on the ground.

STRANDS

A transparent jar
lies in the back
of a cob-webbed
locker.
Wispy, liquidy strands
fighting

to come out.
Trying
to slide past,
the lid shut tight.
And there are nights
of loneliness
and longing
for companionship
where I twist
the lid
just a bit
and they shriek,
those strands,
ready to create
terror
at first chance.

And people say
conquer your
thoughts.
Maybe they are unaware
of the power
each strand holds.
Of how, each
is capable
of wrapping
itself
around my delicate neck,
a million times
and take away
my extremely fragile
life.

Beauty

When you see yourself
in the mirror each morning
and curse yourself
like a routine
as if the words
just belong there
rolling themselves out
as if on cue.
When you see yourself
and you see the scars
the marks
the curves and bulges
you see imperfections
and you hate
your own body
with every breath of you
with all of your being.
And your body
rebels....
it hates you, for hating it.
and in that
vicious cycle,
you forget
that someone looks at you
and he sees
what you see
when you stare at the moon
and cannot keep your eyes off.
Magnificence
and perfection
in all the little marks.
And beauty…
Utter beauty.

FIREFLIES

We shared
Laughs and tears
Coffee and fears
Our love for black
The scar on my back
Stubbiness in my finger
The pungent smell of ginger
The rush in speed
The bowing of a seed
And now...
Now I cannot
Encounter
My favourite fireflies
Without you
Popping up between my eyes.

MINE

He is a moonlight night,
Skin sun-kissed & bright,
Coffee in bed,
A book unread,
Rainbow dyes,
Orange skies,
Floating clouds,
Gatherer of crowds,
An exciting dare,
Undone hair,
Tearful smiles,
Unopened files,
He is all of this,
And much, much more,
A bit of everything fine,
All of this, but just not mine.

Healing

Plucking at thorns, plugging the blood,
Taping and gumming and gluing,
And restraining the gushing flood.

Touching edges, filling crevices,
Fixing and pinning and mending,
And striking at the constant nemesis.

Braving scars, accepting the mess,
Cleaning and healing and sealing,
And embracing all with a caress.

Supressing the hurt, repairing the wound,
Patching and loving and covering,
And blocking the agony of the doomed

Erratic it pumps, then slows and goes,
Yet holding on, it beats,
And the deafening silence bows.

Strengthening its core, and a heave,
Slowing and steadying and believing,
Placed back upon my sleeve.

Teaching

I grew up, with one dream,

To teach,

To teach my daughter she is no less,

Than a hurricane on a calm night,

Than the rising sun, sharp and bright.

And it happened, it came true,

She learnt,

She learnt, that she was above,

Above any man she had ever seen,

Above any man, wherever she had been.

And she believed me, dream achieved,

I relaxed,

I relaxed and basked in the glory,

Of a daughter no less that a friggin trophy,

MD, CEO, she climbed, oh my Sophie.

Eyes closed, now, but I had never noticed,

I had forgotten,

Forgotten I had a son, forgotten she had a brother,

I never taught him he could be something,

Other than his sister’s shadow, a nothing.

For her, he was merely a man, to be defeated.

Just a man, who needed to see she was no less,

I got so blind in my dream, in my point,

I forgot to teach my son he could also be the Sun,

Not the earth, just revolving around a woman.

And so it happened, as another generation passed,

Another failed,

Failed in teaching, EQUALITY,

Focused, again, on just one gender, one sex,

Forgetting, both together, as one, make the next.

You and I

Sometimes I sit, and I wonder,
How much of you,
Lives in me,
How much of me,
Breathes in you.

I wonder,
If you changed,
The scent of me,
Just by touching my skin,
As long as you did.

I wonder,
If you speak,
When words come out of my mouth,
Or if my hands move,
Just the way yours do.

I wonder,
How deeply,
You are infused in me,
And if anyone can any longer,
Even tell us apart.

I wonder,
If we are lovers,
Or mirrors,
Reflecting each other,
And then....

Then I stop wondering,
And just experience,
This miracle,
that you and I, and I and you,
Have become.

Romance

A man stood in deep embrace
Arms wide open, eyes ablaze

 Breaching in, I walked ahead
Watching, hearing, all he said

He said, and sang, soft as a bard
Unbroken, together came each shard

Of her deep eyes, as he sang
Of jealousy, i felt a deep pang

But mist disappeared, raising my hair
For he remained, embracing the air

“Soulless without you” sang he
My aching heart wept, in hours of wee

His love, so pure, so distant
Filled me up with a scent

Of old-school romance,
Of passion, devotion, and forever.

Choking

I have seen men
With ties
Choking their necks
Sleeves
roughly folded
Mouths
Nothing more
Than thin lines
And brows furrowed.
It is these men
That show
The softest of eyes
Brimming
With sadness
Laced amidst
Pasted smiles
And a need
To just weep.
To weep
Until
They are no longer
Choking.

WAR

War.
Sans blood. Sans scar.
Just an enemy.

War.
Sans swords. Sans bullets.
Just a destiny.

War.
Sans attack. Sans combat.
Just with me.

Conquered each night,
Conqueror most mornings.

War, by myself.
'I' with 'me'.
Warrior or coward.
Check my pulse and see.

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry
that I read about you
clicked my tongue
and simply said, bless the poor soul

I'm sorry
that they sent you
to take care
of a monster

I'm sorry
that he called you in
and compromised
your very being

I'm sorry
that he touched your breast
and said he was actually
touching your soul

I'm sorry
that he placed his hand
upon your thigh
even as you said no

I'm sorry
that he undid you
and then smiled

I'm sorry
that he did this
for endless days
night after night in a row

I'm sorry
that they shut you down
when you found courage
to speak up

and I'm sorry
that I only torched candles for you
when they torched cities
for the beast
who wrecked you.

Bubble

Oh you selfish, evil vile,
How dare you walk the sexy walk?
How can you look straight and smile?
Then make a hue and cry, for when he gawks?

You tempt him, and enchant him,
Then don't obey his every whim?

You seduce, invite, with your naughty eyes,
Then reject him? Oh such utter lies

His innocent gaze YOU assault,
By casually walking by,
Then you blame him for the fault,
When he pounces, and you deny?

You tempt him by your mere existence,
Causing him such trouble,
You should have stayed behind the fence,
And not broken out of your bubble.

Teachers

Molded futures, shaped lives,
Seen it all, with keen eyes,
Vulnerability, and the white lies,
All knowing, seeing, being wise

Thoughtful gestures, infused within,
Teaching, keeping high our chin,
As we fight with our yang and yin,
Stand behind us, our next of kin

Taught building an eternity,
Of memories and possibility,
Understanding our taciturnity,
Backing up each uncertainty

Without a word, they understand,
Our futures with our tiny selves they planned,
Experienced our failures first-hand,
Yet never let us leave our dreamland

We stand today, each arrived,
With us, for it, they had strived,
In our minds forever reside,
And teach generations, satisfied.

PINK

Candy floss thrown across,
Flung with my bubble gum,
My mother looking, at a loss,
Soothing songs I no longer hum

Umbrella broken, teddy torn,
Diary now belonged to the bin,
Turned around, as if reborn,
Favourite top, rewashed with Rin

As each item got destroyed,
I inhaled deeper still,
None had a place to hide,
Every inch now submitted to my will

A will, however, not really mine
Spirit broken, and eyes wet,
My pink self, and my pink wine,
Went, forever, inside my closet.

Shackles of My Mind

I wake up, tied,
Never realised,
I scratch, and I claw,
Not seeing the flaw,
Attempting to be free,
Wrestling, I, with me
Bound by my thoughts
Of positivity a drought.

They see me unhitched,
Wondering why I ditched.
Not noticing the shackle,
That I struggle to tackle,
They call it a phase,
Not seeing my maze,
I try to get out,
But my issues, they all doubt,
So I battle with half a heart,
As the other half, tears me apart.

Hustle

You’re made from your past, you make your future,

Such burden, and you wonder why many surrender?

Make each day count, use every moment,

Don’t sit still, don’t relax, and don’t you dare vent.

 

No you cannot wait, you cannot hide,

Don’t live your failures, take them in your stride.

Don’t watch the sunset, you can watch it tomorrow,

Forget those waves, time you cannot borrow.

You will reap what you sow, remember,

Work harder, work smarter, work faster.

Work. Work. Work.

Exert. Exert. Exert.

You're Robin' Them..!!

Snap, snap, snapping on phones,
not seeing people, skins or bones,
filtering, posting, helter-skelter,
while some sigh for food and shelter.

Lights check. Plating check. And snap.
Pushing away the plate, for a thigh gap.
Barely touched, it goes in the bin.
Picking at it, oh what a sin.

#outandabout #aboutlastnight,
Looking them in the eye, will give you a fright,
Their hungry eyes, sallow cheeks,
#photographygoals while a tear leaks.

Liking, sharing the #realitycheck,
commenting "oh what a wreck".
Going back to the snap, snap, snapping.
Pouting, touting, tappy tapping.

Wasting, throwing away a basic need,
Get a life, help them feed,
Go offline for just one bit,
Don't let humanity take a hit.

Waste no more, snap a little less.
Come together to sort this mess.
Forget filters, watch a bright smile.
Do something, this once, worth your while.

Belief.

Aspire. To be you. Nothing but you.
Simply you. In your own simple ways.
Be true. Human. Truly human.

Believe. Just believe. You deserve it.
Breathe. Just breathe. And wait.
Patiently. Impatiently. Have faith.
Faith. In destiny. Faith. In fate.

Believe. In love. In efforts. In forever.
No if. No maybe. No never.
Somehow. Some day. Have hope.

He will come. It will happen.
Just right. Just perfect. Forever.
Till then. Believe in love. Love for you.
Self love. Self belief. Sufficience.

Click-Clack-Click

Click-clack-click.
I whisper to my stilettos,
Purring at them not to squeak,
They cackle, oh those foes.

I walk faster. They clack higher.
Click-click-clickity-click...

Zoom. A car comes by,
I jump and I yelp,
Boom it stops, "Oh dear God why?"
Reverse. Screeech. "Help..."

Blaring of cheap music.
Clinking cheap beer.
Hic. Hic. Hic.
Sparking fear.

"Go away" I murmur,
Shocked at my sound,
Readying to scream, I shiver,
As they gather around.

Hoot. Hoot. Then Whistle.
My head. Throb. Throb. Throb.
Click. Clack. I back into a thistle.
Grunt. Grunt. Grunting at the mob.

Growl. Growl. From behind the car.
Woof. Woof. Woofing. And a bark.
No longer from afar.
Fwip, fwip of a tail in the dark.

Shush, shush of the men.
And a wag, wag. Bark.
A bite. A yell. Then two. Then ten.
And clack-clack-clack, out of the damn park.

Look. Inside.

The flicker of a candle blown.
Struggling to stay still.
Reflecting you. As you hone.

Look inside. Awaken.
Find the universe within.
Pick up the pen.

Verse. About beauty beholden.
Inner. Outer. What shows the mirror.
About your soul, black and golden.

Shirk the unworthiness inside.
Focus, instead, on..
The galaxies in your eyes, wide.

Feel. Your pulse. Thriving.
Discover the light you emit.
Explore the seas of your spirit. Dive in.

Be insatiable. But also be content.
With your delicate little heart.
Breathe. Straighten what was bent.

Crave. Attention. Validation.
Yours and yours alone.
Just love. Sparkle. Beyond limitation.

No Longer Us

I heard it in the passing winds, 

The message that it sent;

Of a son in the army,

To a mother on her death-bed.

I saw it in two strangers,

In prayer as they bent;

And I saw it in the eyes,

Of a man newly-wed.

I saw it in the wrinkles,

Of a young mother working hard;

In the waves, each morning,

Pulling sand in its yard;

I found it in the story,

Of an old King’s bard.

Excited, I turned,

To the love of my life;

Disappointingly, in those blue eyes,

Love I didn’t find.

Lover, I no longer was,

I was just a bloody wife;

Immense love all around,

But ‘us’, it could not bind.

BRAVE

He walked an unknown path,
Facing, a lot of wrath,
A way he knew though, by heart,
A connect he felt, right from the start

He had lived his life away,
Waiting patiently,
Counting days to this day

And as he put one step after another,
Shivering slightly, summoned hither

He were brave, for he overcame fear,
Walked out of the closet,
Smiling through a happy tear

He, sorry, 'she', looked utterly beautiful,
For finally giving into the pull,
She became who she was deep inside,
Her own self, she need no longer hide.

BURNT

His eyes looked at me, expectantly
Half-smile, mocking,
In the morning hours of wee

His missing hand, reminding,
Of the bygone memories,
Of unfinished, untold stories,
And of times no longer binding

And so he remains missing,
He remains, black as coal,
Black, as if, baring from his soul,

And then...a fire began to sting

As the sculpture burned, I burnt it all,

The scorned lover in me jumped,
And with that, with that I burnt down my wall.

LOVE

I have met love, and known love,
Touched the intangible,
I have heard love, seen two-dove,
Though I am yet to give in...

 Such utter love, I saw,

 In all the things around,
In apples, maples and sea shells,

Lying on the ground,
And as if on cue, I heard of love,

In every other sound.

And even when I saw a bow,

Attached to him, oh dear,
Flying away, winking away,

Cupid waved smiling,
And I felt ecstatic, over the world,

Ran away all fear,
And all I saw, and heard and learned,

Suddenly was inside me.

Father

My universe, you stood solid,

You taught me unlimit,

Not a single fairy tale fable,

You taught me to unlabel.

Father, you were no guide,

No philosopher, no hero,

No rigid rules to abide,

You taught my mind, to simply grow

Gave no teachings of your own,

Except to hold my own ground,

To stay true to myself

To nobody else, but me.

You gave me the biggest lesson. To be me.

Beautifully Flawed. Me, just me.

You taught me to rise

Each time I fall.

To rise, like a goddamn phoenix,

From the ashes of broken dreams.

DETACH

I failed and I succeeded,
Fell down and got back up,
And you, you were all I needed

My support, you stood by me,
As I glided, gracelessly,
Through paths I could barely see
But you, you were there constantly

And me? I was attached,
To your care and your love,
As each new plan I hatched

Then, I learnt how to walk alone,
And I stopped falling,
And you? You liked the comfort zone
But, I just couldn't keep stalling

So I walked anyway, leaving...
You stood your ground,
And it remained true, detachment does sting.

BLEED

Plop, plop, plop.
There goes a drop.

Yes I bleed, what a big deal,
To make a hue and cry over.
So I ooze blood, some pain I feel,
There is no need to hover.

I learnt of it when I was twelve,
And hey, I got over it,
There is no need to delve,
No need to decide where I sit.

My body, my limits, my choice,
Don’t go bossing me around,
I will touch the pickle, rejoice,
And wash my hair, make no damn sound.

I will fight, for my right, to just be,
I will live, and stay, and slay,
How god intended for me,
I won’t hide, I will conquer the day

So don’t wrap it in plastic,
I’m not explosive, not untouchable,
I'm a woman, a creator, not sick,
I'm a superhero, from a goddamn fable.

So, remember, the plop, plop.
Remember that i bleed.
Remember, it's not a big deal.
Just let me be.

GIVE A FUCK..!!

IDGAF you say, as another one leaves,
"Watch me care", wiping your eyes with your sleeve,
Friend or lover, they are all the same,
Feelings and emotions, a bloody game

He left because he cheated, she left because you cared,
Oh darling, don't you see?
They left you when you bared

Your bestie, and the love of your life, Stabbed this morning, like a knife,

You are hurt and yet you say again,
Rehearsed, as if, "their loss, my gain"

I see the last of your tears now, leaving those pretty eyes, As you begin to cover them, with make-up and lies,

You wear the dress that you always do,
Your bitch face, high heels, with it too

I hold your hand, and say it once more, Honey, don't you step outta the door..!!

Come back here, I understand your grief,
Give a fuck, cry it out, until you find relief

SHE

On a Sunday night, as she looked up at the moon,
staring unblinking, the soup missed her spoon.
Shuffling between the door and the clock,
her eyes, wide open, refused to lock.

Waiting, as always, she pushed away her plate,
washed empty dishes, crossed out another date.
At midnight, when, she had finally made her plan,
to pack her belongings, she began.

At 3 in the morning, she went to bed at last,
slept peacefully for once in her bed vast.
She woke up, got dressed, same as every day,
and then wore a bright red, throwing away the grey.

And so, showed the mirror, a whole different woman,
opening her bun, with wild curls undone.
New dawn, new dream, as her old self died,
unexplored city, she explored without a guide.

SON

He stood there, on platform twenty-first,
Saying goodbye, experiencing the worst,
Looking at her, the last time, or the first,
Feeling, (of saying more), a sudden thirst

He wished, in that moment, for it to freeze,
For the tick-tock of the big clock just to cease,
And as he wished that, in came a deep breeze,
A whiff of her hair, as if to tease

Her moist eyes, deep as a black sea,
Her smile, which had been, of his happiness, a key,
Creases on her forehead, one for each person,
Her hair, graying, from working in the sun

At the touch of her love, he turned into a poet,
And poetry, flowed, as the two souls met,
And so a son, went to fight for his first mother,
For his soil, and country, leaving behind another.

RUTHLESS..!!

As the night sky saw an unsettled air,

Awoke in bed, the kingdom’s heir,

Just last night, the kingdom he did earn,

His father, still, “fresh” in the urn

Covered head to toe, he sneaked out that night,

Wrote a letter, to give to his knight,

Stopped though, by the fair maid,

Shown a sharp dagger, silent she was made

The letter, in bold words, was to alert the cops,

For the knight to plead guilty, hide evidence of the corpse,

The knight’s lovely wife, met the heir at the ball,

She begged, and cried, he could see her bawl

To pacify her then, he began his ode,

Listed the things, which to him they owed,

The heir, hears no woe, no pray,

Powerful eyes, simply find his prey

He believed in no wrong, and no right,

Ordered the wife, to plan the final rite,

He promised, she would find her husband in one piece,

After this ultimate sacrifice, he would leave her in peace

He left then, at the break of the morn,

The plan, was to play as if in mourn,

He waited around, for the news of whether,

When the scroll came, onset new weather

And so, by the end of the coming week,

The mighty were recruited, he killed the weak,

Evil laughter echoed as the wind whirled,

On the throne, sat, the ruthless ruler of the world.

BOUND

My eyes fly open, and I scamper,

Scamper, fast as I can, before I hamper,

Hamper another day, ruin this recurring dream,

Dream, I cannot achieve, unless I reach the stream

 

Streaming down my face, tears of joy bolt,

Bolt on my door, as my jammed car revolts,

Revolt clouds my mind as the dream threatens to fade,

Fade, into a new scene, through the water I wade

Wading through the waves, I marvel at my reach,

Reached after a year, I admire, detail each,

Each inch takes me close, alas I will discover,

Discover, the secret of the scent that refuses to hover

Hovering upon the edge, a shadow trying to hide,

“Hide all you want,” I sigh, “to you, your scent will guide”,

Guide it does, but to an empty, beautiful land,

Land, out of my thoughts, no less, I push away a strand

Stranded on this land, I discover my own being,

Being silent and still, self-awareness rings,

Ringing new sounds, my ears perk up and pound,

Pounds of weight is lifted, and I no longer am bound.

The Kingdom

Silently in the moonlit night,
she said goodbye, to her knight,
amidst the procession of the stars,
on his horse, she set for wars

A new found confidence her eyes wore,
Covered herself with his armour,
from her haughty nose down to her toes,
her courage would scare away all foes.

She rode up the steep, narrow way,
in the morning, corpses she did lay,
Triumph in her mind and heart,
with her kingdom she dare not part

And so once again, she had won,
her father, above, had a look of stun,
His princess, had finally, turned into a queen,
Braver than any king he had seen.

TRANSFORM

‘Transform’ is the word of the day,

Transform me, and I’ll pay,

Change my hair, make me thin,

Change my look, and watch me win.

Validate this change, recognize my effort,

Less number of likes, oh now my ego is hurt!!

I altered for you, can you not see?

Redid my principles, at such a big fee.

I redesigned myself, and you couldn’t note?

A new history, I had figured, I wrote.

Maybe this isn’t enough, oh dear,

More change, is inevitable, and yet, how I fear.

Fixing Me Up

My friend set me up, and off I had to go,

She stopped by, to beautify,

I refused, and grunted, but behold and lo

 As she hid each scar, she hid each story,

As she added each layer, she removed details gory,

Heavy eye make-up hid my black eye,

I looked pretty, even I couldn’t deny.

 But did I feel that way? Nobody cared,

Was I ready to date, love and be bared?

Was I one to jump from one to other?

What I felt and wanted, nobody bothered

 To “fix me up” was their only need,

Whether I was broken or not, they paid no heed.